I think they don't want to believe it's true. I think they are waiting out this phase, or trying not to stir the proverbial pot of my muslimness by staying utterly and completely silent. They haven't asked me a single question. I told them months ago.
On the surface they 'support me' and are 'fine with it,' but I'm just waiting for the day it becomes real for them. I hope they don't do what my friend Rebecca did, which was lose her mind and say a bunch of really offensive things, only to disappear for a few months and not return my calls. I'm thinking they might freak out a bit, but I'm hoping they won't disappear, insha Allah. It wouldn't be like them.
When I say that they haven't asked a single question, that doesn't mean that they haven't said anything. Actually, my mother has said a few things, namely recapitulations of "It's just not what I imagined for you." My dad has mentioned "Origin of the Species" a few times under his breath. But they are accepting it in their own Midwestern way, I think. I'd love to say that my parents are so progressive that it's all roses and sunshine, and that they said 'ok' to my announcement without that palpable tightness of concern in their voices. But the truth is they are doing the best they can with what they have.
If it were true that they accepted my conversion unquestioningly directly off the bat, they wouldn't be Marcia and John, and they wouldn't have raised me in the same way, and therefore I may not have become Muslim in the first place. So in a circular sort of way, I should be thankful for their instinct to worry first and accept later. And besides, I haven't done the best job of explaining it yet (partly because I don't think they've been ready and partly because I haven't been able to find a graceful segue into discussion).
Right now, all they have to go on is their knowledge of the American political climate (harsh), their own secular paradigm (where cultural competency doesn't always lead to understanding) and a book I just gave them by Susan Haneef. Given that, I think they are doing pretty well. A few non-verbal things are changing which gives me hope:
My dad stocks fun non-alcoholic drinks for me in their fridge and my mom bought me a long skirt today at Marshall's. I'd say that's a solid beginning to what I hope will be a positive and continuous discussion and a learning experience for all, insha Allah.
A lot of people have it much worse when they make such a seemingly drastic life change, so for me, today, the presence of pomegranate soda and limonata in the fridge is a fresh flower on a clear day. We'll work on getting them to understand the other stuff bit by bit.
That said, it really annoys me when people I know get worried that my daughters will feel shamed in their own skin or when people get concerned because I no longer date [I mean, how will I ever find a husband???]. I'm still me. If I believed in women's rights and love before, why would those things suddenly change?
For the misconceptions that my family and friends may harbor I blame (in no particular order): the rigid hypocrisy of privileged white feminism, the people who own the news, Jack Straw, Betty Mahmoody, and Muslims (like me), who do a terrible job of addressing those misconceptions when they arise.
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