Between One and Another: Conversion, Identity and All Those Questions

And in the Middle of it all, Celebrating 'Small Wins'

Kate,

It's so nice to hear from "family." I needed it today. There's a lot of service men giving me a whole lot of unenlightened mess. So if I may ask (and everybody does) what was it that led you to become a Muslim? I absolutely LOVE when people become Muslims and just really be themselves. It makes it seem so much more genuine to me. Obviously Islam helps us be the best version of ourselves but way too many people convert to Al Islam and become a totally different person. It's almost like they stop being themselves and play a character. The character they play is a super-Muslim but the real them is still the same jerk they were before converting. Then when they tire of playing that role they go right back to the person they were before Islam. Some people though, they stay themselves and just allow Islam to make them the best version of who they are and that s*** is beautiful. Just a glance at your (myspace) profile makes me think you're the latter.

(Islam has done nothing to correct my horrible spelling) (the spelling really was horrible. I edited for the sake of the English language)

My wife became Muslim about a year ago and she's just a more inspired version of the person I fell in love with. She chooses not to cover her head (which many Muslims act like is the 6th pillar of Islam or something) and kept her name (see, EVERYONE has their ideas and opinions about THESE topics, especially). I think it's really genuine.

I'll won't go on any further but I'm just curious what brought you to your decision.

Congratulations either way and maybe we cross paths at some point.

As Salaamu Alaikum sis.

The above is a note that I recently received re: "being a new Muslim" from one very rad revert. I'm posting it here because this is something I'm thinking about these days - what it means to no longer be as congruent as I once was.

It seems like everyone has expectations of the ways in which I will express my Muslim-ness. People are nervous about what that really means. Everyone has an opinion, that's for sure, and mostly I am grateful for input, especially when it comes from a place of love, care, knowledge and concern. But there's so much to learn and so much to work out (big and small), and in the end, I'm going to have to learn it for myself.

For example, people (including me) want to know whether I'm going to cover my feet, if/when hijab is going to happen (isA), and whether it's alright for me to eat chicken at restaurants. I get reminded to check wrappers for pork product, witness discussions about whether you have to deliberately do wudu in the shower, etc. etc. (all very helpful discussions, don't get me wrong, but I'm working on the basics these days). Everyone, even Muslim converts, have something to say (which is good, it means they really care), and I'm a bit overwhelmed.

Hold me.

Here's the thing though. Everyone makes this out to be a HUGE change, but it really isn't all that hard, and it shouldn't be. That's not the point, now is it?

It's only hard if one makes it hard.

And I've been letting it be hard lately, and letting the details get in the way of the end Goal. Aside from working on my pronunciation and waking up earlier to pray (and other details), I think pretty much everyone will tell you that I'm not much different than I was in December, and I'm not losing my identity, or trying to be a super-anything. I'm just working on being more deliberate now, and I think that makes me a better Kate (and yes, the name is staying. It means "pure," after all. And there's not a thing un-Islamic about that).

And instead of getting stuck on the minutiae and stressing out about the process, I'm choosing to (as Aliyah says) "celebrate small wins" and continue to stumble forward.

And after all, there are so many big wins to focus on, that it would be a shame to get stuck in the chaos of little things (I'll figure those things out, with time and patience, isA). Because - living Islamically, having a family that loves me, and friends who accept this new part of my life as something totally great - those things, by themselves, are all momentous wins.

And a small win, tomorrow, is my MPH commencement. Alhamdulillah.